This is the most manipulating and lying and sneaking around I’ve ever done in treatment. Looking up nutrition facts and calorie counts online. Hiding food. Exercising in the bathroom. Lying when confronted about it. Purging. Self-harming. Lying about self-harming and urges to self-harm. Lying about feeling suicidal. Lying about urges to run away from the hospital.
I’m afraid. The first time I was in treatment, I didn’t think it was possible for me to get away with this much… but now that I’m learning how much I can get away with here, I worry that I won’t be able to stop. And I worry because I don’t want to stop, which means I probably won’t stop on my own… and so far, no one’s stopped me.
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delicatelyblurred said:
this makes me sad lovely. I hope you can find some sort of peace with it <3 <3.
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his-grace-covers-me said:
Oh, my love! :( Even if there is a huge part of you that really doesn’t want to stop, you know deep down you need to, to get your life back, right? Seek God and pray for the courage and strength to be honest. You can do this! You deserve it. Please?x
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amialone posted this
